Body Conscious

This post isn’t about the “bodycon” tight silhouette look.  Neither is it really about the outfit I am wearing… rather, it is about how I felt wearing it.  In short, not so great after seeing the pictures.  Let me back up for a minute.  Most of us are on some sort of a body journey.  Whether we just think about it or hit the gym like it’s our religion, or fall somewhere in between.  I personally have been working towards my post-babies body really since about a year ago when I found out my husband planned a beach getaway for my birthday.  Since returning from that trip, I stayed the course working towards my body goals — not defined by a particular size (although I would like to fit in all my old clothes) or lbs on a scale.  But utlimatley how I feel about myself.  And, after this particular shoot, I felt a bit body conscious.

Here it goes.  Some context:  my body quickly bounced back after I had my twin girls.  By their 8-month birthday, my stomach was flat as a board and my pre-baby clothes fit.  Not just fit, they fit.  You feel me?  The journey after your second baby, or in my case, second pregnancy and third baby is nothing like the first.  99% of moms are nodding their heads vigorously right now.  The second time around is a longer and much tougher journey.  I eat healthier than I have ever before in my life.  I go to the gym regularly.  Yet, here I am 17 months post-partum and I’m still not there.  I am getting closer, but still not there.  That damn lower belly … I don’t even need to finish my sentence, and I bet most of you know what I’m talking about.  But for the sake of concluding my thought… my damn lower belly looks like I’m carrying a food baby.  A food baby that drops a couple lbs one day, and gains it right back the next day.

Now coming back to this shoot.  First thing’s first.  I vowed to never wear paper-bag pants again until my belly pudge is no more a belly pudge.  Paper-bag pants in my experience exaggerate the hell out of that pudge. I don’t need that in my life right now… or ever, really.  My first thought after seeing the pictures: yikes am I pregnant again?  I told my husband I need whatever mommy makeover surgeries were out there.  He told me I’m crazy and that I’m beautiful.  And I told him aw that’s nice, but you’re supposed to say that.

This isn’t about societal pressure to be Kendall-Gigi-esque size double zeros…  Well I take that back.  I am sure if all magazine spreads were not covered in photos of teeny tiny models, I would feel differently.  We all would.  But, for me, it is a little more than that.  I realized that I am extra hard on myself because since childhood I have been athletic and skinny (thanks, in part, to good genes).  I would eat pizza, soda, chocolate and a tub of ice cream in one sitting without much thought or worry.  I played sports and had a fast metabolism so the poor eating didn’t catch up to me.  I was fortunate.  Not anymore.  I gain a pound thinking about pizza.

After allowing myself a day to feel down-in-the-dumps, I picked myself back up, said FU$# that and turned those feelings into motivation.  I decided to make some changes in the gym — diversify my routine — to challenge my body.  I signed up for Solidcore (which has been kicking my butt).  Second, I had a pep talk with thyself.  It’s easy to get swept up in society’s appearance-driven pressures.  It’s important not to succumb to that.  I’m doing the best I can.  I have never felt healthier.  I feel better.  That is what’s important.

 

Your journey could be similar to mine, whether you’re a mom or not.  Or, you could be struggling with something else.  Regardless, you are in control.  You have the ability to turn a struggle into an opportunity to better yourself and the situation at hand.  That photoshoot was a blessing in disguise.  I had a sorta come-to-Jesus moment, and hit the reset button.  I needed that.

I also felt compelled to share these thoughts on here because sometimes we just need that one person to open up about his/her insecurities to remind us we are all human.  As much as social media connects us, it can also isolate us.  We see perfection, order, and pretty within the frames of the little Instagram squares in someone else’s account — and start believing that person’s life is just perfect.  Before you realize it you get pulled into a terrible game of comparisons… if you don’t stop yourself you will end up feeling alone and crappy.  So don’t ever do that. No one’s life is perfect.  No one is free of insecurities.

This was quite a personal post for me.  If you have anything you want to share about your journey or anything, really, I’d love to hear it. Thanks for taking the time to read.  

9 Comments

  • Reply Nargis November 11, 2017 at 4:47 pm

    I love it. This was amazing! By far my favorite blog so far. Esp due to the fact that I have my own insecurites so reading this definitely helped me be more open minded about myself. So thanks for sharing because I know it can be difficult opening about this subject sometimes. Not only are you amazing but so is your body! You’re beautiful! Love you!

    • Reply Yelda November 16, 2017 at 6:47 pm

      Aww my natural beauty! YOU are amazing and beautiful in every way possible. I love that you loved this post. And, I love you baby cakes!!

  • Reply Kira Nasrat November 12, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    Love this post so much, thank you for sharing xoxo

    • Reply Yelda November 16, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      Thank you beautiful! I really appreciate that you stopped by. Means a lot to me. Xx

  • Reply Alaasmah November 13, 2017 at 12:45 am

    Darling!! Firstly, may I applaud you for being REAL abc and so candid with this post?! I think to some extent everyone has insecurities. Secondly, whatever YOU may think about this shoot, let me tell you, I just saw your pic on IG and thought “HELL THATS HOT YELDA AGAIN”!!! You look incredible!! I do not say that to just be kind, but truthfully you look incredible!

    I only have Jasmine and like you I bounced straight back to pre baby weight! I would constantly get “you’ve not just given birth?” But roll on 5 months after Jasmine I noticed that I had the “baby belly” as my metabolism seemed to have slowed (and still the same) But unlike you I still eat like a horse (thank you God, for blessing me with height at least, haha!). But I’ve told myself I need to take care of my body so the crazy amount of junk needs to be cut down (weeps) mostly because my wardrobe is too fabulous for me not to fit into my clothes, ha! That’s my motivation!

    You look incredible and I love you, YELDA! Xxxx

    • Reply Yelda November 16, 2017 at 6:45 pm

      Thanks, girl. I appreciate it! You are a very sweet mama. Thank you again. Up until a couple months ago, I did not eat well consistently. Sugar and carbs were a central part of my diet lol. But, I did go to the gym regularly. So when I plateaued I became frustrated. Slowly, I started to change the way I eat. Not diet because I am not good at dieting. If I crave something I will eat it. Rather, I changed my eating habits to choose more fresh and wholesome foods and I have never felt better!

  • Reply Farzana December 13, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    I don’t follow blogs often but I have really enjoyed yours so far….especially this post! It’s refreshing and real! Keep doing what you’re doing…the ambition and drive (especially for a working mother of 3) is admiring!!!

    • Reply Farzana December 13, 2017 at 10:31 pm

      Admirable** oops

    • Reply Yelda December 18, 2017 at 4:03 am

      Thank you Farzana Jaan! You’re beyond sweet. Your support means so much to me.

    Leave a Reply